The Best Thing I Ever Ate Beef Jerky
Sadly, we have come to the end of Vodka and Mezcal's trip to Cleveland, otherwise known as their new favorite place on earth.
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| Their Tourism Bureau Should Really Send Us a Check |
And even more sadly, the only dish we have left to eat is... jerky.
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| Going Out with a Bang... or a Whimper |
Here's the thing about jerky: Vodka doesn't like it. Actually, "doesn't like it" is mild, as she finds the stuff -- even the most gourmet of varieties -- fairly offensive in both texture and taste.
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| Our Hotel Decor Seems to Be Cheering Us On |
But what's a girl to do when Michael Symon, the King of All Things Believeland, chooses J&J Czuchraj Meats' beef jerky on the SALTY GOODNESS episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate? The answer is buy the smallest amount possible, stuff it in your friend's bag, and pretend it doesn't exist for the next 24-48 hours.
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| No Offense, Dried Meat, But We're Just Not That Into You |
In truth, poor Mezcal's bag began reeking of jerky when we consumed an entire gyro in one fell swoop at the Westside Market. At the time, we were rather underwhelmed by our J&J/Czuchraj Meats experience, first because there were two different stands with different names but the same exact offerings, second because the guy manning stand one answered a phone call in the middle of our ordering process, and third because he didn't fall for our ploy of handing over a sample when we asked for the most minuscule jerky order possible.
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| So Here's the J&J Component... |
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| ...Not to Be Outdone by the Czuchraj Component Five Stands Away... |
Based on her general abhorrence of all things jerky, Vodka procrastinates tasting the stuff so as to not ruin Cleveland's streak of Best Thing I Ever Ate glory, one unimpressive fizzy cocktail notwithstanding.
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| Frankly, Those Smokies Look Like They May Have More Potential |
And so, in an effort not to dilute our love of Cleveland with an uninspired review of a food we don't even enjoy, let's pretend this post isn't about jerky at all. Instead, let's talk about the man behind the whole reason for this trip, Michael Symon, and more importantly, his restaurant, Lola.
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| She Was a Showgirl |
Lola is, in a word, awesome. The food is heavenly, the drinks are strong, and the service is as welcoming as Michael's TV persona.
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| Any Place That Serves Beef Cheek Pierogies Is Fine By Us |
In fact, after our waiter hears that the only reason for our relatively minimal food choices is because we've been to every one of Michael's Best Thing I Ever Ate picks in two days, he adds to our imminent stomachache by throwing in a free dessert -- which, let it be known, just may be the first free anything Vodka has ever procured that was not prefaced by a stern complaint to the management.
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| That In Itself May Be the Biggest Miracle of Cleveland |
By the time we waltz -- or roll, depending on who you ask -- out of Lola, Vodka is busy singing Hamilton songs about her newfound favorite GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD. And therefore, when we eventually try the infamous jerky during our 7:30am airport breakfast the next morning, the fact that it is highly smoky, highly spicy, probably great for jerky lovers but completely lost on us, is almost irrelevant.
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| We Won't Hold It Against Ohio's Fair City That This Is Our Parting Shot |
Because at the end of the day, not only has Cleveland reached the highest Best Thing I Ever Ate average of all time, but it has also succeeded in being the most surprisingly enjoyable city we have ever visited. And those weighty qualities alone are worth tons more than a quarter-pound of jerky.
J&J Czuchraj Meats's Beef Jerky: 3 stars
Source: http://itsnotevennoonsomewhere.blogspot.com/2017/11/off-map-lets-pretend-this-post-is-not.html
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